Triple J star Dee Salmin and former NRL player Luke Bateman have delivered a blunt warning about the damage gambling can inflict on relationships, families and future generations.
Salmin, the partner of Collingwood captain Darcy Moore, interviewed Bateman on The Hook Up, Triple J’s podcast about sex, dating and relationships.
Salmin raised the issue after 65 per cent of surveyed listeners said gambling would be a relationship dealbreaker. Another 24 per cent said it would only become a problem if their partner’s betting affected them.
Bateman said those respondents should not underestimate how quickly one person’s gambling could damage the lives of those around them.
‘I really like that actually,’ he said of the 65 per cent result.
‘I think gambling 100 per cent should be a deal breaker for relationships or should at least be something that is spoken about, discussed and have boundaries and rules placed around it. 100 per cent.
Triple J presenter Dee Salmin questioned former NRL player Luke Bateman about gambling’s impact on Australian relationships and families
Bateman warned that a partner’s gambling would eventually affect shared finances, trust and the wider family unit
‘For the people saying “unless it impacts me”, I want to say to them, “it will impact you”.’
Bateman said the risks increased when couples moved in together, married or combined their finances.
‘If you move in together, de facto, their money will be your money, their debt will be your debt,’ he said.
‘If you are going to talk about finances, their gambling 100 per cent has to be spoken about and it will 100 per cent affect you.’
Gambling harm is estimated to cost Australia about $25billion annually, with approximately $6.2billion of that damage affecting interpersonal relationships.
About 15 per cent of Australian adults, or approximately 3.3million people, experience emotional or financial distress because of their own gambling or the behaviour of somebody close to them.
Around six per cent report being harmed by another person’s gambling within the previous 12 months.
Research has also linked greater concentrations of gaming machines in communities with higher levels of police-recorded family and domestic violence.
The former Canberra Raiders forward said gambling should be treated as a serious red flag while dating someone
Around 3.3million Australian adults experience harm linked to their own gambling or somebody close to them each year
People experiencing serious gambling problems are significantly more likely to be divorced or separated.
Children of parents with gambling problems are estimated to be up to ten times more likely to develop similar problems themselves.
Salmin said Australians needed to become more comfortable discussing money before relationships became serious.
‘Talking about money is so scary and feels so unsexy and like you’re just so worried about what it’ll mean for the dynamic of the relationship once you start having those more serious conversations,’ she said.
Bateman traced his first exposure to gambling back to the age of five, when his father would sit him on his knee at a poker machine and allow him to press the button.
Gambling later became embedded in his rugby league career, with betting and alcohol dominating social events and team activities.
The first bonding session Bateman attended as an 18-year-old member of Canberra’s under-20s side took place at a casino.
‘Gambling is just part and parcel of those cultures,’ he said.
Salmin (pictured with partner Darcy Moore) said couples needed honest conversations about money before moving in together, marrying or fully combining their finances
‘It is just like breathing. No one questions it. It is just what you do. It is how you socialise with each other. It is how you connect with each other. It’s how you bond with the other men in those environments.’
Bateman’s betting escalated as his NRL income increased.
‘I always had control over my gambling until I didn’t,’ he said.
The former Raiders forward previously revealed he lost approximately $1million through gambling and accumulated about $250,000 in debt.
In 2018, he had approximately $80,000 in savings before losing it all within one month.
‘I literally rang my mum and I said, “Mum, I’ve lost all my money gambling. I can’t pay my bills. I had a mortgage. I had car payments. I had rent”,’ he said.
Bateman said his addiction left his former partner, mother, siblings and friends facing emotional and financial harm.
‘I lived in two states. I was either gambling or trying to gamble,’ he said.
Bateman said his addiction left his former partner, mother, siblings and friends facing emotional and financial harm
Bateman said the people closest to him endured his panic attacks, emotional outbursts and financial crises.
‘Gambling harm is not just about the individual… I lost my partner during it. I lost friends during it,’ he said.
He admitted his mood swings and anger after gambling losses hurt those trying to support him, particularly his mother.
‘The amount of like disgusting words and things that I would say to her, it was just horrible,’ he said.
Bateman warned that addiction could become more important than even the closest relationships.
‘Their substance will always be the number one thing in their life,’ he said.
‘I loved them so deeply. They all came second to my gambling addiction.’
He said partners could offer care but needed clear conditions and should not destroy themselves trying to rescue somebody who refused help.
‘There is no amount of love, support or help that you can give somebody if they don’t want to help themselves,’ he said.
Bateman ultimately attended 12-step meetings and rebuilt his routines around work, reading and writing.
‘There are people who want to help you and that you will get through it and you can get through it,’ he said.
Lifeline on 13 11 14
Gambling Help Online is available on 1800 858 858
