A Sydney man who sent vile texts to his partner, strangled her and broke her finger has become the first person in the state to be jailed for coercive control.
Samantha, who has spoken to media using only her first name, met her ex-boyfriend Callum Fairleigh on Tinder in 2018.
‘He did say he loved me within two weeks,’ she told A Current Affair, adding that he then asked her to move into his eastern suburbs home a month later.
‘What I didn’t realise (was) that he was kind of gaining control over me. From then, I think things started to shift slowly.
‘If I didn’t respond to him, he would then blow up my phone and be like ‘Why are you ignoring me? What are you doing? Who are you with?”
She described Fairleigh as jealous and possessive, tracking her location and telling her to delete male friends on social media.
Texts seen by The Sydney Morning Herald, also revealed he sent threats to her while she was on nights out with friends.
‘Cancel the plan… I won’t ask again. I’m not asking, I am telling you,’ he wrote on one occasion, followed up with five missed calls.
Samantha (pictured) spent years under the coercive control of her partner Callum Fairleigh
Fairleigh (pictured) was sentenced to prison in January for coercive control
‘Answer the phone. Do as you’re told. Show (your love) by not talking down… about your partner to people who have impacted the relationship directly (and) hate me… be on my team always.’
In 2019, Samantha discovered she was pregnant with their daughter and said the abuse got worse while she was isolated at home.
‘I spent a lot of my pregnancy at home alone,’ she said.
‘I believed I needed him to live. I believed I needed to be a family in order for my daughter to be happy.’
After she gave birth, Samantha said her partner was kind to the doctors and wanted to celebrate but added: ‘When we got home, it all changed back’.
She described an escalation in Callum’s behaviour as he threw things and became more physical, including putting her in a stranglehold during one violent incident.
‘He had one hand around my neck and one over my face,’ she said. ‘I think in that moment, he either tried to grab the keys or my phone and snapped my finger.’
During another incident in 2024, Samantha said she missed her ‘curfew’ while celebrating her birthday with friends.
He sent manipulative texts to her while she was out of the house
Fairleigh had initially enforced a midnight curfew, which was later extended to 1am.
As a result, Samantha said Fairleigh took her house keys and withdrew her money, with the abuse lasting three days.
When she was finally out of the house, she dropped her young daughter at childcare and went to the police.
In February, Fairleigh was the first person in NSW to be charged with coercive control and was sentenced to two years behind bars, with a non-parole period of 15 months.
It was made a criminal offence in NSW in July 2024, with Samantha to be protected by a 10-year apprehended violence order (AVO).
Coercive control is a pattern of abusive behaviours rather than one specific incident or tactic, according to Monash University’s Professor Kate Fitz-Gibbon.
‘This sentencing decision is a landmark in the sense that it demonstrates a milestone in the operation of the new offence in action,’ she told Daily Mail.
‘But criminalisation is only one part of the response needed.
‘Preventing coercive control and supporting victim-survivors to seek safety, to recover and to heal remains the broader challenge we must address.’
‘There is still significant progress to be made to ensure that acts of coercive control are not dismissed as less serious forms of abuse.’
Coercive control is a pattern of abusive behaviours rather than one specific incident or tactic, according to Monash University’s Professor Kate Fitz-Gibbon (pictured)
Given warning signs of coercive control emerge over time, Professor Fitz-Gibbon gave examples on ‘red flag’ behaviours that people should look out for.
‘A victim’s independence, decision-making and social connections are restricted and eroded,’ she said.
‘In our research, victim-survivors of coercive control often described feeling like they were constantly walking on eggshells.
‘When someone finds that their world is becoming smaller, their choices more limited and their partner increasingly controlling, that is a significant red flag.’
Autonomy is eroded
‘Victim-survivors often describe reaching a point where they feel they need permission for everyday decisions,’ she said.
This can be where they go, who they see, or how they spend money.
‘When one partner consistently holds that level of power and control over the other, it reflects a deeply unhealthy and potentially abusive dynamic,’ she explained.
Social isolation
‘A person using coercive control may discourage or prevent their partner from spending time with friends and family,’ Professor Fitz-Gibbon said.
This can include criticising the people close to the abused, or creating conflict that makes maintaining those relationships difficult.
‘Over time this isolation can create significant barriers for the victim-survivor, leaving them feeling alone and without a support network,’ she said.
Financial control
This can look like restricting access to money, monitoring purchases, preventing a partner from working, or forcing them to justify spending very small amounts.
‘(This) is a key tactic of people who use coercive control,’ the professor explained.
‘These behaviours are designed to create dependency and make it much harder for someone to leave the relationship.’
