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Dear Vanessa,
After years of being unlucky in love, I’ve finally met someone who makes me truly happy. He’s kind, supportive, and brings so much joy into my life. But there’s one issue weighing on me. Financially, he’s struggling. He doesn’t ask for much, but I can see he finds it hard to cover his rent. Meanwhile, I’m nearly done paying off my own mortgage and am proud of the financial security I’ve built for myself over the years.
I want to support him in a way that doesn’t jeopardise my financial future or put me at risk. I don’t want to lose him, but I also want to make sure I’m being smart about this.
How can I protect myself financially while enjoying this love I’ve waited so long for?
Kind regards,
Carmel.
Dear Carmel,
Finding love after years of searching is a wonderful thing, and it’s clear you cherish both your relationship and the financial security you’ve worked hard to build. Balancing love and money takes careful thought, but it’s absolutely possible to enjoy both.
Leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov (above)
Here are some ways to navigate this:
1. Keep your finances separate for now. Maintain your financial independence while your relationship evolves. Avoid merging accounts or co-signing agreements. Protecting what you’ve worked for is smart, not selfish.
2. Protect your home. If you’re considering inviting him to live with you, consult a lawyer or financial adviser to draft a cohabitation agreement. This ensures your property remains secure and clear expectations are set.
3. Encourage financial independence. While it’s fine to help out occasionally, avoid stepping into a role where you’re responsible for his finances. Encourage him to budget, seek advice, or upskill to build his stability.
4. Talk openly about money. Honest conversations about goals and concerns can strengthen your connection and help you plan a future together.
5. Plan for the long term. If your relationship is heading toward a shared future, discuss how you’ll handle joint expenses. Setting expectations early can prevent misunderstandings.
If you want more guidance on navigating relationships and money, my Creating Your Dream Life mini-course is a great place to start. It offers a framework to discuss goals openly and envision a shared future. Maybe you could even do it together.
Best of luck with your new love!
Vanessa.
