Dear Vanessa,
I’m 55 and heading for my second divorce, and I can’t believe this is where I’ve ended up. The first time around, I lost the house and a big part of my retirement savings. I worked for years to rebuild, thinking I’d finally found some stability.
Now, with my second marriage ending, it feels like déjà vu – only worse. This time there are kids involved, and I’m facing child support payments on top of legal bills and another split of assets. It’s draining me emotionally and financially.
I never thought in my 50s I’d be back here, trying to figure out how I’ll ever be able to retire with anything left. My friends are talking about travel plans and winding down from work, while I’m staring at spreadsheets, wondering how many more years I’ll have to keep going.
Part of me feels ashamed – like I should have known better. Another part of me just feels lost. I don’t know what the right move is anymore, financially or personally. What ideas do you have for someone in my position?
Michael.
Michael, thank you for sharing something so raw and honest. Divorce is one of the most financially and emotionally draining experiences anyone can go through — and to face it twice is understandably overwhelming. You’re not alone, even if it feels like it right now. More and more people in their 50s and 60s are finding themselves navigating second or even third divorces, often with children still dependent on them.
The financial hit is real. Between child support, legal fees, and the division of assets, your retirement savings can take a major blow. But here’s the thing: you do have time to rebuild, and the earlier you get a clear plan, the better. A few key steps to consider:
Leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov
1. Get a clear picture of your financial future. Work with a trusted financial adviser who can map out what your retirement might look like now, and what changes you can make to improve it. If you don’t already have one, you can start by using my free adviser service here.
2. Protect your income. Right now, your earning years are critical. That means making sure you’ve got stable work but also protecting yourself with appropriate insurance in case illness or injury strikes. It might not be glamorous, but it’s the foundation of getting through the next decade in better shape.
3. Reset your expectations. Retirement might not look like you once imagined – and that’s okay. Maybe it means working a little longer or scaling back lifestyle goals in the short term so you can rebuild a stronger base for later. The important thing is not to compare yourself to friends who are in different circumstances.
4. Separate emotional decisions from financial ones. In the middle of divorce, it’s easy to act out of anger, grief, or shame. Try to pause before making any major money decisions. Time and clarity will help you avoid mistakes you’ll regret later.
5. Focus on what you can control. You can’t undo the past, but you can take charge of your future. Rebuilding isn’t about getting back to where you ‘should’ have been – it’s about creating a new path that works for you now.
Michael, you’re right that no one imagines being in this position in their 50s. But many people have come through it and gone on to create fulfilling, financially stable lives. Don’t underestimate your resilience – and don’t be afraid to reach out for expert advice and emotional support along the way.
All the best,
Vanessa.
