A best-selling author who made her name writing about relationships revealed she split up from her husband for more freedom, while admitting that he is still paying for her health insurance and giving her a monthly cash stipend.
Cathi Hanauer, 63, separated from New York Times journalist husband Daniel Jones, also 63, 30 years on from their 1992 wedding after growing apart.
Hanauer said that prior to her wedding, she felt anxious about a life of monogamy with Jones, but that she was convinced by her ex-spouse to say the traditional ‘forsaking all others’ wedding vows.
The couple raised two children in a stunning $1 million home in Northampton, Massachusetts.
Their relationship came under strain after their offspring left home for college and empty nest syndrome set in.
Hanauer said the end of her working relationship with Jones put further distance between them. They ultimately split after unsuccessful relationship counseling.
‘We hugged, apologized for our shortcomings and freed each other,’ Hanauer wrote in a New York Times opinion piece titled We Had a Long, Mostly Good Marriage. It’s OK That it Ended.
She insisted that the separation was not a sign that their marriage had failed, but instead marked a natural and healthy end after decades of happiness.
Cathi Hanauer, a best selling author known for writing about relationships, said she is separated from her husband of 30 years but he still pays for her life insurance and provides her with a money cash stipend
Hanauer, who has written three novels and two books of essays about relationships, said there had been no cheating or arguing prior to her split with Jones.
Hanauer admitted her children were upset by the split, but says they have since come around.
She said she has enjoyed numerous dates as a single woman, including time spent with a retired cop, an engineer, a doctor and a TV producer.
Meanwhile, Jones has a new girlfriend whom Hanauer says she gets along well with.
But Hanauer also revealed that she and Jones have not formally divorced.
She said the couple had managed to strike an agreement without lawyers that ‘feels fair to us both.’
Hanauer said Jones continues to pay for her health insurance and also gives her a monthly stipend.
She justified her reliance on her ex by saying the writing that they did together helped boost Jones’s career too.
The couple created The Times’s smash-hit Modern Love column, where readers share deeply personal stories about love, marriage and divorce.
In 2004, The Times published a piece detailing how Hanauer’s marriage to Jones had come under strain after the move to Massachusetts.
Hanauer’s husband Daniel Jones is pictured in 2019. The couple are separated but have not divorced for financial reasons
They’d struggled after leaving New York City to raise their children in a quieter locale, and Hanauer said she found the domestic grind ‘thankless.’
That ultimately inspired her to publish a collection of essays called The B***h in the House, which saw 27 women including Hanauer detail the difficulties of their relationships.
Hanauer’s book was such a success that Jones created a complementary tome written by men, titled The Bastard on the Couch, with Nicole Kidman among its fans.
Hanauer wrote a sequel in 2016, called The B***h is Back, which was named one of NPR’s best books of the year.
While Hanauer got her story out about her own personal experience with love, New York Times readers were divided by her behavior, with one claiming it smacked of ‘sheer self-absorption.’
The New York Times reader further explained that the fact that Hanauer is still getting financial help from her husband doesn’t sit right with them.
The couple raised two children in a stunning $1 million home in Northampton, Massachusetts (pictured)
‘The author presents abandoning a decades-long marriage as noble self-discovery, yet treats her husband as a utility: a provider of insurance, stipends, and convenience, rather than a human being with intrinsic value,’ the reader commented.
Another echoed that same sentiment, writing: ‘This piece strikes me as being written by someone who has had plenty of money. And that gravy train continues even though divorced.’
‘You are not divorced if you are still legally married. You have an open marriage and should call it that,’ another user added.
While some weren’t pleased with her words, others found Hanauer’s honesty powerful.
‘I admire how this couple has worked out a life together, yet apart,’ wrote one.
Another commented: ‘I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, but really inspired by how you’re choosing to see it and grow from it!’
