It’s the morning after the night before – and there’s sure to be a few sore heads in the corridors of power within our nation’s capital.
Canberra’s Midwinter Ball is the annual opportunity for MPs and senators to disprove the theory that politics is showbusiness for ugly people… and, hey, there’s always next year.
The charity fundraiser, where politicians from every party don ballgowns and black tie to rub shoulders with journalists and corporate bigwigs, is the hottest ticket in town.
Jane Norman, the ABC’s energetic national affairs correspondent, told those in attendance on Wednesday night that the evening was off-the-record, meaning the hundreds of gathered journalists are forbidden from reporting what was said.
It’s just as well the Daily Mail was not invited because we are not beholden to any confidentiality clauses and can spill everything our spies passed on…
ABC-ing you around
One of the first guests to arrive in Parliament’s gleaming marble foyer was ABC managing director Hugh Marks and his wife Alexi Baker.
The former Nine Entertainment boss took on the ABC job in March this year after he abruptly quit his old network. Baker, who was Nine’s managing director of commercial, quit at the same time.
Albo began his speech by saying how his fiancée Jodie Haydon looked ‘pretty fabulous’ – and he wasn’t wrong as she stunned in a high-necked, Labor-red Carla Zampatti gown
His early arrival was perhaps fortunate because he managed to miss the extended photo shoot on the marble staircase involving the two dozen staff in the ABC’s federal parliament bureau.
This included the likes of Insiders’ host David Speers and journalism Swiss Army Knife Patricia Karvelas, who stole the show in a $799 brown leather dress by Aussie fashion house Morrison.
PK, as she is known, had earlier held a photo shoot with 7.30 host Sarah Ferguson, who looked positively regal, as if she had just addressed the Galactic Senate.
Andrew Greene, who quit the ABC just two days ago after allegedly not disclosing a paid-for junket to his bosses, was clearly not afraid to bump into his old colleagues.
The Mail has heard rumours he has already accepted a job at the Seven West Media-owned The West Australian newspaper – although he did not respond to us for comment.
Influencing influencers
Politicians from all sides of the spectrum traded their usual barbs for ballgowns and black tie to celebrate Canberra’s night of nights.
Turning heads were the unlikely power couple Labor MP Josh Burns and his partner, Animal Justice MP in the Victorian parliament Georgie Purcell.
One of the first guests to arrive in Parliament’s gleaming marble foyer was ABC managing director Hugh Marks and his wife Alexi Baker (pictured together)
ABC star Patricia Karvelas had earlier held a photoshoot with 7.30 host Sarah Ferguson , who looked as if she was about to address the Galactic Senate
The pair – who debuted their romance at last year’s Midwinter Ball – were accompanied by a very small plus-one: Purcell recently announced the happy news that they are expecting.
Both were seen having a warm chat with Jim Chalmers and his News Corp journalist wife Laura.
The Treasurer went a bit off-script, wearing a dark navy tie to match his wife’s dress to the black-tie event.
Meanwhile, David Littleproud‘s partner Amelia Dobson was seen being tactile with the Nationals leader.
Adding a spritz of Eastern Suburbs and Millennial glamour to the night was Claudia Bursill, the woman behind the satirical online persona Miss Double Bay.
She declared she’d had a ‘stunning evening… talking all things the political and economic state of the world right now’ and even boasted of ‘stealing’ the PM’s pen.
The influencer takeover of Canberra (let’s not forget how they were all invited to the Budget) continued with the arrival of Konrad Benjamin, a.k.a. Punters’ Politics, who presents himself as a man of the people taking on the vested powers of Canberra.
Turning heads were the unlikely couple Labor MP Josh Burns and his partner, Animal Justice MP in the Victorian parliament Georgie Purcell (pictured)
Meanwhile, David Littleproud’s glamorous partner Amelia Dobson was seen being tactile with the Nationals leader
S(teal)ing the show: the so-called ‘Teal Independents’ reject the label of a political party, despite opponents saying the opposite
Despite repeated attempts to get it out of him, he kept mum about who had extended the invitation to the ultimate Canberra insiders’ event.
But our spies did see him being greeted by the teal girlies with a group hug, so that might explain it.
Benjamin was also seen warmly embracing TV presenter and erstwhile ABC golden boy Tony Armstrong and Paralympian-turned-media personality Dylan Alcott.
Dylan’s sexologist girlfriend Chantelle Otten used to join him for the opening of an envelope, but she was nowhere to be seen at the Midwinter Ball. We sure hope that’s not a sign of trouble in paradise…
Adding a spritz of Eastern Suburbs and Millennial glamour to the night was Claudia Bursill , the woman behind the satirical online persona Miss Double Bay
She declared she’d had a ‘stunning evening… taking all things the political and economic state of the world right now’ and even boasted of ‘stealing’ the PM’s pen
Tony Armstrong (right) and Paralympian-turned-media personality Dylan Alcott (centre) brought some star power to the Midwinter Ball. They were joined by the musician RONA (left)
RONA and Dylan held hands as they navigated the halls of power
Dylan’s sexologist girlfriend Chantelle Otten (pictured on June 12) used to join him for the opening of an envelope, but she was nowhere to be seen at the Midwinter Ball
Punters’ Politics (left) presents himself as a man of the people taking on the vested powers of Canberra. Everyone was wondering who invited him – we reckon it was the teal girlies
And Australia’s youngest-ever senator, 21-year-old Charlotte Walker didn’t miss an opportunity to take cheeky tongue-out selfie on the marble staircase.
Given the event is hosted by the parliamentary press gallery – where accuracy should be the watchword – you’d think they could at least spell the distinguished guests’ names right on the seating plan.
Not so for Shadow Attorney-General Julian Leeser whose surname was spelled ‘Lesser’, while the thick-fingered typist also managed to misspell new Labor MP Ali France‘s first name ‘Aki’.
There was an ‘m’ instead of an ‘n’ for the last letter of Greens Senator Peter Whish-Wilson‘s name, while Liberal Senator Dave Sharma had an ‘n’ instead of an ‘m’ in his surname, a fact he didn’t seem to notice as he rushed in late from the Senate floor.
Wednesday Night Live
The $200-a-ticket event, which was given the theme ‘House of Cards’ this year, is normally held in June but was thrown out of sync by Labor’s landslide at the May election.
Inside the Great Hall of Parliament, the Wharf Revue’s Jonathan Biggins got the crowd going by cracking a few gags in character as former PM Paul Keating.
These included: ‘Tony Abbott‘s kindergarten teacher was Mis Ogyny’ and ‘The only minority Penny Wong hasn’t been part of is the Liberal Party’.
The Foreign Minister was sitting next to the Sydney Morning Herald’s International Editor Peter Hartcher, no doubt putting the world to rights.
Mandy Bishop, also from the Wharf Revue, brought the house down with her impression of Jacqui Lambie.
But there were no hard feelings from the independent senator for Tasmania who was seen getting a photo with Bishop later on.
Tasmanian Senator Jacqui Lambie looked elegant in a Forever New dress, retailing at just $199.95
Anthony Albanese began his speech by saying how his soon-to-be-wife Jodie Haydon looked ‘pretty fabulous’ – and he wasn’t wrong as she stunned in a high-necked, Labor-red Carla Zampatti gown.
He ditched his favourite election prop – a Medicare card – and went one better by donning a Medicare T-shirt, as he talked up Labor’s achievements.
But some of his gags were rather lame, including a reference to the bizarre episode when Joe Exotic, star of Netflix’s Tiger King, endorsed Labor during the election campaign.
‘I’ve hosted the King and I was endorsed by the Tiger King’, he said.
He also took a pot-shot at his former nemesis, Greens MP Max Chandler-Mather, who lost the Brisbane seat of Griffith to Labor’s Renee Coffey at the last election.
‘’This election, we farewelled my favourite Green,’ he said, as a picture of Max Chandler-Mather flashed on the screen.
‘Not that Green,’ the PM said, ‘This Green,’ he added as a picture of the ABC’s now-retired chief election analyst Antony Green appeared.
While doomsayers predict she will not survive to face the next election in the face of Labor’s overwhelming majority, Opposition Leader Sussan Ley (pictured) at least had the best gags of the night.
Ley has the last laugh
And while doomsayers predict she will not survive to face the next election in the face of Labor’s overwhelming majority, Opposition Leader Sussan Ley at least had the best gags of the night.
Several attendees told us how impressed – and surprised – they were by the former pilot and shearer’s cook’s patter.
‘Anthony Albanese won a very impressive 94 seats. But if he had added an ‘s’ to Albanese, imagine how many more seats he might have picked up,’ she said, referencing her numerology-influenced decision to add an ‘s’ to her name.
She also joked about her Coalition partners, the Nationals, being obsessed with being bulls instead of steers.
‘There’s never been a question about Barnaby Joyce‘s virility,’ she quipped.
Sadly the former Deputy PM and his glamorous wife Vikki Campion were not in attendance to hear the joke.
Another corker was her suggestion that newly-elected Teal MP Nicolette Boele wished there was a hairdresser in parliament, a reference to when the now-member for Bradfield was banned from her local hairdresser for making sex noises during a hair wash.
So funny was Ley’s speech that she outshone the Betoota Advocate boys, Clancy Overell and Errol Parker, who were MC’ing the night.
Our spies told us that Housing Minister Clare O’Neil was tearing it up on the dance floor and Productivity Commissioner Danielle Wood was there almost to the bitter end.
Most, however, had filtered out shortly after midnight. It was a school night after all.
