For a long time, I was no fan of Sober October. It struck me as a daft idea that one could make up for drinking too much simply by stopping for a month.
That’s not how the body works. If you’re worried about your boozing, far better to moderate it in the long term than cutting it out for 31 days.
The problem is a lot of people with alcohol problems can ‘white knuckle’ it for a month.
They grimly hold on for dear life using sheer willpower, safe in the knowledge that as soon as November starts, they’ll get plastered again.
My concern was that by managing to go alcohol-free during Sober October, these people would be convinced they didn’t have a problem, when they did.
However, over the past few years, many of my patients have confided about their Sober October experiences and it has been eye-opening.
A lot of people with alcohol problems can ‘white knuckle’ it for a month, according to Dr Max Pemberton
In a volte-face, I am now a fan. The real benefit isn’t about the physical effects but the mental. It helps you think about your relationship with alcohol.
You can view this month as an experiment to discover what happens, how you cope and what you feel when alcohol is suddenly no longer in your life.
Lots of people do not realise – or want to admit to themselves – that they have an issue with alcohol.
It’s not until you stop for a time that you will see what’s really going on.
I recommend everyone try Sober October, but the key is to reflect on how you feel during this time. I urge my patients to ask themselves six questions…
Do you think about alcohol a lot?
If you’re constantly aware of the absence of alcohol, checking the calendar repeatedly, or finding your thoughts drifting to what you’ll drink once October is over, that’s telling you something pretty important.
For people without a problematic relationship with alcohol, not drinking for a month is generally no big deal. They might miss a glass of wine with dinner occasionally, but they’re not preoccupied by it. If alcohol is taking up a lot of mental space during this month, it suggests it might have a bigger role in your life than you’ve acknowledged.
Are you counting down the days?
This is a classic red flag. If you’ve already planned your first drink for the stroke of midnight on November 1, that’s worth examining.
People who don’t have issues with alcohol are not marking their calendars for when they can start drinking again. They’re not watching the days tick by with anticipation or impatience.
Have you stopped going to social events?
Avoiding socialising during Sober October is missing the point of the exercise. If you’re finding it difficult to imagine being in a pub or a dinner party minus a drink, that’s significant.
The question to ask yourself is whether you’re avoiding these situations because you think they’ll be boring without alcohol, or because you’re worried about being the only sober person.
Either way, it points to alcohol playing too central a role in how you navigate the world.
Are you irritable or short-tempered?
Mood changes during a period of abstinence can be revealing.
Of course, everyone has off days, but if you’re snappier with your partner, less patient with your children or more on edge, it’s worth considering why.
For some, alcohol is a way of managing stress or winding down at the end of the day.
If you’re struggling with irritability, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an alcoholic, but it does suggest you’re using alcohol as a coping mechanism rather than finding healthier ways to deal with life’s pressures.
Will you bend Sober October rules?
Perhps you’ve told yourself that one glass doesn’t count, or that it doesn’t mean you have to give up alcohol at that wedding you’re attending mid-month.
The mental gymnastics some perform to justify having a drink during their ‘alcohol-free’ month can be impressive. But all this negotiating and rule-bending is just your brain trying to convince you that you need alcohol.
Feeling good but still yearning for a drink?
This is the most revealing question of all.
If you’re sleeping better, waking up feeling fresher, getting more done, feeling mentally sharper, but still eager to start boozing again, you need to ask yourself why.
Logically, if something is making you feel worse, you’d normally want to avoid it. But addiction doesn’t work on logic.
If all the evidence is pointing to the fact that your life is better without alcohol, but you still can’t wait to reintroduce it, that’s your answer right there.
The beauty of Sober October is that it holds a mirror up to your relationship with alcohol.
These questions aren’t designed to make you feel guilty or to diagnose you with alcoholism. They are prompts to help you think honestly about the role drink plays in your life.
And if you don’t like the answers you’re coming up with, well, perhaps that month off doesn’t need to be a one-off after all.
It’s good to talk about your grief
Prince William has opened up about missing Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip in Apple TV’s The Reluctant Traveler with actor Eugene Levy. When asked if he misses his grandmother he replies: ‘I do actually, yeah, I do miss my grandmother, and my grandfather. It’s been quite a bit of change, so you do sort of, you think about them not being here any more, and particularly being in Windsor – for me Windsor is her.’
Grandparents are incredibly important figures for so many people, yet it’s a bond that we don’t often celebrate. Time and again I’ve seen patients who say their relationship with a grandparent has been vital. They give a perspective on life that only comes from having been there, done that. The skills and resilience they encourage in the younger generation are ones that will equip them for life’s vicissitudes long into adulthood.
The Prince of Wales’s grandparents, the late Queen and Prince Philip, died in 2022 and 2021, respectively
After the terror attack on a synagogue in Manchester last week, it’s time doctors took the rampant anti-Semitism that has lodged itself in the profession seriously. For example, London-based NHS doctor Dr Rahmeh Aladwan posted: ‘I don’t condemn Hamas. I don’t condemn October 7. I condemn Israel.’
She was allowed to keep her job as a trauma and orthopaedic surgeon after a medical tribunal decided she would remain free to practise while the General Medical Council investigates. Disciplinary proceedings are ongoing.
