The dressing-room kettle had not yet been switched on for tea on the third day of this first Test when England were celebrating a crushing victory and a pristine start to the second coming of Joe Root.
Their bowling heroes, once more, were Ollie Robinson and Josh Tongue, who backed up their five-fors on Wednesday with three more wickets each as Pakistan were dismissed for 135, to go with their first-innings 171. In all, they survived 85.4 overs, the equivalent of a less than a full day’s play. They were as dismal as England were destructive.
Robinson finished the match with eight for 80, and Tongue – who collected his three wickets in six balls after lunch – with eight for 89, both career-bests.
If Jofra Archer had started the rout by removing both openers, and finished it by persuading Mohammad Abbas to sky a slash to Dan Lawrence at backward point, it was these two, in their differing styles, who condemned the tourists to defeat by an innings and 103 runs.
For the first time in the game, the Leeds weather behaved itself – but while it never rained, for Pakistan it continued to pour. Robinson was all loping accuracy and both-ways menace, Tongue 10mph quicker and a nightmare to line up thanks to an action that goes beyond the perpendicular and obliges batsmen, especially right-handers, to play at balls better left alone.
When Archer and Gus Atkinson are back to their best, England will have a seam attack to conjure with, and there was an understandable spring in Root’s step as he encouraged Robinson and Tongue to lead the team off the field with a gentle shove in the back.
Man-of-the-match Ollie Robinson recorded career-best figures at Headingley
And Josh Tongue also returned his own career-best numbers and proved too hot to handle for the Pakistan batsmen all week
Robinson, by a sliver, won the match award, though no one would have complained if they had done to the medal what they did to the ball two days earlier and sawn it in half.
That followed meaningful runs for Jordan Cox and Lawrence, reinventing themselves at No 3 and No 6 as England reached an above-par 409, and an almost flawless display in the field.
And if there was any regret for Root as he discussed his first Test win as captain since seeing off India here five years ago, it was surely that Headingley is now off the rota until 2029.
This is not merely Root’s home ground, but England’s new spiritual home: a seventh win in succession was a national record. The Australians, who have lost their last two Tests here, must still be chortling at the thought they won’t have to visit the place next summer as they go in search of a first series win in England since 2001.
It is an act of self-harm the ECB may yet come to regret. ‘I’d love to play as many games here as possible,’ said Root, before diplomatically suggesting he should ‘stay in his lane’.
For now, though, there was simply relief at a job impeccably done, from the moment Robinson trapped Azan Awais with the game’s first ball. On a pitch which rewarded accurate bowling as much as it did judicious strokeplay, England were superior in all departments.
Pakistan’s awfulness made it difficult to draw wider conclusions. One suggestion that this is the worst team they have sent to these shores in 50 years has gone down badly in Lahore and Karachi, yet it’s hard to think of a rival for the tag.
Where once they would rise above their unfathomable internal politics by producing classy, stylish batsmen, reverse-swinging fast bowlers and world-class leg-spinners, they are now deficient in all three categories.
Only Abdullah Shafique, in the first innings, passed 50, while their military-medium seamers spurned helpful conditions on the second day. Mohammad Ali looks as hittable now as he did when he cost 5.5 an over on debut against England at Rawalpindi in December 2022. The fielding was a car crash. It was desperate stuff.
Jofra Archer launched a few lusty blows with the bat to take the game well out of Pakistan’s reach…
Before claiming three wickets in the second innings to complete the rout
They have now lost 19 of their last 30 Tests, and need to avoid defeat next week at Lord’s to avoid tipping over into negative historical territory: after this game, they have lost as many Tests (153) as they have won.
Pakistan had begun their second innings 238 behind, but for the second time in the game lost a wicket before scoring a run, Imam-ul-Haq unable to sway out of the way of a brute from Archer which brushed the glove en route to Jamie Smith.
Archer then had Awais caught at leg slip for nine, a feather in Root’s tactical cap, though not the last: when Saud Shakeel worked Tongue uppishly behind square on the leg side, Root had positioned Lawrence there especially for the stroke.
Stephen Fleming, England’s incoming coach and a lover of unusual fields during his 80 Tests in charge of New Zealand, must have enjoyed that.
It was an excellent start to Joe Root’s second tenure as England captain
In between, Robinson removed Shafique, the man likeliest to detain England, with a ball that squared him up and took the edge, and later benefited from two sharp catches at third slip by Cox.
Tongue had Shan Masood caught at first slip, then pinned Salman Agha leg-before. Later, asked whether Babar Azam might return from his hand injury in time for Thursday’s second Test, Agha replied with a smile: ‘I’m more than happy to hand the captaincy on to Babar Azam.’
For the first time in a while, the gallows humour was provided not by England, but by their opponents. Progress comes in all shapes and sizes.
