Let me begin with full disclosure. I have been in a loving relationship for many years now, and I am still learning what love truly means.
I have experienced the excitement of beginnings, the tension of misunderstandings, the beauty of reconciliation, and the quiet strength that grows when two people choose to stay committed. So when I write about love, I am not offering abstract theory. I am writing from lived experience.
In our time, the word love has been overused and underdefined. It has been reduced to emojis, hashtags, surprise gifts, and one-day celebrations every 14th February. But love is not seasonal.
It is not sustained by aesthetics. It is not proven by grand gestures alone. If we are honest, many relationships collapse not because love was absent at the start, but because the understanding of love was shallow.
The big question is this: what is real love, and how do we build relationships that last?
After much reflection, I have come to one powerful conclusion: love is spelt H-A-R-D W-O-R-K. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Humility: The Foundation of Love. If you are full of yourself, you cannot succeed in love. Love begins with humility.
The Apostle Paul writes in Romans 12:3 that we should not think of ourselves more highly than we ought. That instruction is deeply practical in relationships. Pride destroys connection. It insists on being right. It refuses to apologise. It demands to be served rather than to serve.
But 1 Corinthians 13 reminds us that love is patient and kind; it does not boast, and it is not proud. Pride competes. Love cooperates. Pride insists. Love listens.
Many people move from one relationship to another, complaining that their needs were not met. Rarely do they pause to ask whether they themselves were meeting someone else’s needs.
Love requires that we see beyond ourselves. It calls us to consider what the other person brings to the table and how we can nurture it.
Humility is not weakness. It is under control. It is the willingness to say, “I may be right, but preserving this relationship is more important than winning this argument.”
Adjustment: The art of bending without breaking
The second way to spell love is adjustment. Relationships require flexibility.
Philippians 2:4 encourages us to look not only to our own interests but also to the interests of others. That means we must sometimes let go of our preferred ways. We must occasionally surrender our position for the sake of peace.
Some people are so rigid that they become impossible to live with. They are like concrete, hard, unyielding, and unable to adapt. But relationships are dynamic. Two individuals with different backgrounds, personalities, and expectations must learn to blend their lives.
Adjustment can be uncomfortable. It may require sacrificing your preferences, your timing, or even your ego. But love cannot thrive where there is no flexibility. If everything must always go your way, love will suffocate.
Relationship: From contract to friendship
Love is not merely a contract; it is a relationship. It is friendship at its deepest level.
The prophet Amos asks, “Can two walk together unless they agree?” (Amos 3:3). Agreement does not mean identical personalities, but it does mean shared direction and mutual understanding.
When we married, a mentor told us that friendship is the secret to a lasting marriage. If you cannot laugh together, talk endlessly, share secrets, and even enjoy silence together, then your relationship risks becoming mechanical.
Your partner should be your confidant, your trusted companion, and someone with whom you can share both joy and vulnerability. Love grows where friendship flourishes. Without a relationship, love becomes transactional. With a relationship, it becomes transformational.
Dedication: Commitment beyond feelings
Dedication is what keeps love steady when emotions fluctuate.
In Genesis 24, Rebekah agreed to leave her family and journey to marry Isaac, a man she had never seen. That was dedication. It was a commitment to a covenant, not merely attraction to a personality.
Modern relationships often fail because commitment is weak.
When difficulties arise, many look for the exit. But dedication says, “We will work through this. We believe in what we are building.”
Ephesians 5:25 instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. That is sacrificial love. It is not self-centred. It is giving, patient, and enduring.
Love that lasts is love that is committed, not convenient.
Work: The reality many avoid
Here is the truth many do not want to hear: love is labour.
It takes work to forgive. It takes work to communicate effectively. It takes work to understand emotional differences. It takes work to build trust after disappointment.
Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 reminds us that two are better than one because they help each other up. Helping each other up implies effort. It implies presence. It implies sacrifice.
Marriage is not sustained by the excitement of a wedding day. It is sustained by daily choices, small acts of kindness, thoughtful conversations, shared responsibilities, and intentional affection.
If people understood that marriage is hard work, they would be less surprised by friction. Conflict does not mean failure. It often means growth.
Openness: The power of communication
Openness strengthens love. Silence weakens it.
Many relationships suffer not from lack of love but from lack of communication. Assumptions replace clarity. Speculation replaces dialogue. Misunderstandings multiply.
Openness means being transparent about your feelings, fears, and expectations. It means creating a safe space where honesty is welcomed rather than punished.
Jonathan’s openness to David in 1 Samuel 20 is a beautiful example of loyalty and transparency. He disclosed information that protected his friend. Trust thrives in environments of honesty.
Communication is not optional in love; it is essential.
Resilience: Staying through the storm
No relationship is free from turbulence. There will be moments of misunderstanding, disappointment, and even hurt. But resilience is what keeps love intact.
1 Peter 4:8 says that love covers a multitude of sins. That does not mean ignoring wrongdoing, but it does mean extending grace and seeking reconciliation.
Resilience is the ability to endure seasons of tension without abandoning the relationship. It is choosing patience over impulsive decisions. It is recognising that growth often comes through challenges.
Every strong relationship you admire has survived storms. Stability is built in adversity.
Knowledge: Loving with understanding
The final pillar of lasting love is knowledge. Hosea 4:6 warns that people perish for lack of knowledge. That principle applies in relationships, too.
You must understand your partner. You must learn their emotional language, their strengths, their weaknesses, and their needs.
In his well-known book, The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman explains that people express and receive love differently. Some value words of affirmation; others value acts of service or quality time. When you understand your partner’s language, you can love them effectively.
Love without understanding can be sincere but misguided. Love with understanding becomes powerful.
Conclusion: More than feelings
So there you have it. Love is humility. Love is an adjustment. Love is a relationship. Love is dedication. Love is work. Love is openness. Love is resilience. Love is knowledge.
Emotions are beautiful, but they are not enough. Feelings may ignite love, but discipline sustains it.
If we want relationships that honour God and stand the test of time, we must embrace the truth that love is not merely a feeling; it is a commitment. It is an effort. It is intentionality.
Love is not spelt L-U-S-T. It is not spelt E-M-O-T-I-O-N. It is spelt H-A-R-D W-O-R-K.
And when two people are willing to labour together with humility and dedication, love does not just survive, it flourishes.
